Ah Spring… When a Tax Experts Thoughts Turn to Contemplations of Interpersonal Relations

In my work, I give a lot of formal written advice on possible tax issues. Apparently this has affected my daily writing style.

It was brought to my attention by my sweetheart that I may need to work on my writing style for my non- professional communications. I’m not sure what he means? For example, I sent him this heartfelt love letter, which I think clearly demonstrates my ability to effectively communicate in a style that is both appropriate and unambiguous to the situation at hand.

But please judge for yourself – Be warned the following text is pretty heady stuff.

Dear Mr. Mejia,

I affectionately hope you are having a productive and satisfying day. It is my intention to take this opportunity to let you know the extent to which I enjoy our continued romantic association, which is considerable. I sincerely desire that you find our continued amorous involvement mutually beneficial as well.

Additionally, I am composing this correspondence to inquire as to scheduling an appointment in the near future for an act of coitus. With said act to be performed at your convenience. If you would be as gracious as to consider a personal request, I would like to make a petition for an act of physical intimacy in “the male superior position” or as designated by Dr. Alfred Kinsey in his 1948 published work Sexual Behavior in the Human Male as “the English-American position.”

For reasons of clarity and full disclosure, please distinguish the contextual use of the designation “male superior” as a description for the aforementioned proposition as a technical term for the requested act and in no way conveys any assertion or acknowledgment of actual male superiority in the typical meaning of the word “superior”. If you would like further elucidation on the matter, I would be most amenable to providing you with further reference materials you may deem necessary.

If you are responsive to this invitation, please contact me with any scheduling recommendations, questions or requests.

It is also acknowledged and understood that any arrangement will not be considered a binding contract and neither party is under any obligation to perform once an arranged time is mutually agreed upon.

With heartfelt regards,

(And people say I lack romance in my soul)


Kiss me I’m Irish

Hey everybody – it’s the busy season. Which means – it’s busy!

Tomorrow is the filing deadline for Corporations unless you have a fiscal year FYI. You can file an extension – but ya gotta do that by tomorrow!

Although avoiding all sorts of late tax filing penalties is somewhat important, there is another subject I wanted to cover that is far more critical to remember! That of course is St. Patrick’s Day!

My fella, Albert – who is of Mexican descent – was recently inquiring about the significance of the St. Patrick’s day to Americans of Irish heritage (like myself). I think he phrased the query “So babe, what’s the big deal about St. Patrick’s Day?”

In an effort to share my Irish-American culture and our St. Patrick’s Day customs with “mi novio”, I explained the origin of the Feast of St. Patrick. Carefully stressing the meaning of this sacred holiday to those individuals who can trace their existence to the bog infested, shamrock encrusted, banshee wailing Emerald Isle – or Ireland.

I felt it was the least I could do to improve race relations within our relationship. (not that relations are bad – I love Mexican food, so more could a guy want?)

For anyone else who also remains unaware, please allow me to enlighten you of the magnitude of St. Paddy’s Day to my people.

March 17th of each year is the Feast Day of St. Patrick who died on March 17th, 461. In the early seventeen century, March 17th became a holy day of obligation and is set aside to commemorate St. Patrick’s conversion of the people of Ireland to Christianity. This feast day was granted by the Catholic Church to observe St. Patrick’s noble deeds and commitment to his church. Because of the solemnity of his efforts and religious significance of the life of St. Patrick to the people of Ireland, we celebrate his feast day by consuming vast quantities of beer (and maybe whiskey) until we are completely and totally wasted.

Drinking to the point of passing out face down in our corned beef and cabbage is not only encouraged but expected. If one does find them-self face down in their dinner, but manages to save them-self from drowning in potatoes and other assorted root vegetables without outside assistance – drinking continues. It continues until one is either unable to move, unconscious or until the risk of alcohol poisoning is imminent.

This time-honored tradition of heavy alcohol consumption is performed while wearing green clothing, a plastic leprechaun hat and a button that says “Kiss me I’m Irish”. The traditional ritual attire’s purpose is to confuse the cops when they come to arrest the revelers for drunk and disorderly conduct. Thus the attire acts as camouflage and eyewitnesses will inevitably give a description that will apply to a multitude of incoherent, drunken Irish celebrants. Faced with so many possible suspects to pursue, law enforcement officers will hopefully give up and just go grab some donuts.

Gifts of shamrocks, green beer and whiskey are given to friends and relatives to increase the profit margins of the booze industry and shamrock farmers. Which are the most ancient and honorable of professions among the Irish – next to tavern owner and jig dancer. Honorary Irish heritage is given to all races and creeds so that sales of the aforementioned products is not limited due to a prospective customer’s ethnic status. (Also the more drunk people wearing green the more camouflage therefore provided)

I’m certain the blessed Patron Saint of Ireland would be very proud of the descendants of his pagan converts. Not only for our dignified and reverent recognition of his faith and piety, but also of our keeping true to the spirit of our native homeland – drinking, eating and carousing.

I hope that clears up any confusion – I do try to be a helpful resource to my readers.

You gotta admit though, it’s one awesome holiday… Happy St. Paddy’s Day!